went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
