You smell like a Billy Joel song
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
