good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
