I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize