90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
