when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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