my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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