So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
