Tell her she can't have a vagina
Apparently you make a good broom.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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