you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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