considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
