so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize