It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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