just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
