I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
