She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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