Do you still have your period?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
