I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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