Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
