I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
