You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
