Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.

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(757): View more from Virginia

if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

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(443): View more from Maryland

My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden

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(407): View more from Florida

it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.

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(631): View more from New York

I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.

(631): View more from New York

Cruelly.

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(415): View more from California

You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.

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(210): View more from Texas

Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.

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