Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
