dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
