My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
