i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
