So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
