Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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