I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
