I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize