Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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