Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i believe in u and ur pee
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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