Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
