my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
