barbara walters just said penis...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
