I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we're making bets on your personal life
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
