Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
