My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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