i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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