Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i would punch a child for taco bell
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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