Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Enjoy the penises
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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