Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
