The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize