how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
