CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
