im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
