What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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