Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
