I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize