I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
