I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
