why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
