btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
