if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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