I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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