if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
