I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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