You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize