I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
