no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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