YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it's like iHOP with fire
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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