you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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