omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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