Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
