4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
