i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
