she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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