is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Im part way to drunk.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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