Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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