yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
